Thursday, May 31, 2007
its may 31st..
the 11th day already..
he's still struggling.
though he seems much cheerful now.
who would have known,
everything's just superficial.
he's still struggling..
alone in his lovey dovey world.
».lostindestars.« @ 12:50 AM
Friday, May 25, 2007
i'll always.. love you.
been in bad shape for the last 5days..
today's de 5th day after we broke up...
and im crying all over again..
i found this song..
and thought that it totally describes everything..
everything.. that im going through now..
thought of sharing with u guys.. haa..
Whitney Houston - I Will Always Love You
If I Should stay I would only be in your way So I'll go But I know I'll think of you every step of the way And I... Will always Love you, oohh Will always Love you You My darling you Mmm-mm Bittersweet Memories That is all I'm taking with me So good-bye Please don't cry We both know I'm not what you You need And I... Will always love you I... Will always love you You, ooh [Instrumental / Sax solo]I hope life treats you kind And I hope you have all you've dreamed of And I wish you joy and happiness But above all this I wish you love
And I... Will always love you I... Will always love you
I... Will always love you..
.. totally describes everything im going through..
i wish you happiness.. ..
and i will always.. i mean always.. love you..
».lostindestars.« @ 1:15 AM
Monday, May 21, 2007
.. i dont know how to carry on..
i cant go on..
every minute seems like an hour..
every hour seems like a day..
i gave u everything..
now im left with nothing..
nothing at all..
all alone..
.. all by myself.
».lostindestars.« @ 3:55 AM
Sunday, May 20, 2007
he's broken.
you guys know what's de saddest thing in life?
haha.
he grit his teeth and held on throughout all struggles,
he told himself to be strong, because he has to be strong for her.
he patiently bears and tolerates everything and
he perservered through countless emotional struggles in a relationship,
just to last 1 more hour, 1 more day, 1 more week, 1 more month with his loved one.
he acts stupid just to cheer her up,
he does sweet things time to time, to fill de relationship with surprises.
most importantly of all..
he casted away all his good and close friends, and drew his line,
just cos and worried that she might get unhappy..
he made it this far..
day by day, week by week, month by month,
because he truly loves her.
but.. he forgotten that love is 2 sided,
that people will change.. love will subside..
nothing lasts forever..
she left him.
.. she left him after 21months eventually.
he's broken now.
».lostindestars.« @ 4:15 AM
Thursday, May 17, 2007
random post..
I FINALLY CUT MY HAIR!
AFTER 13MONTHS!!
i tried styling.. it doesnt stand at all!
so.. this hairstyle cannot spike at all, its meant to be flat.
after not styling for 10months, suddenly i feel that both my hands are useless.
hahah.
well this is how i look now.
with make up.
trying to look Jrock, haha,
but of course i dont put on make up when i go out now. =]
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its 3.24AM now, and since its past 12am,
its 18.may.07 now..
time passes so fast.
just 10hours ago, ard 5.30pm,
i had my number 7th session of pool with Isaac and Kelvin.
pool's so fun!
yea yeah.. go ahead and laugh,
a boy, nono, a young man at age of 19, finally learning to play pool.
hahahaa. but its so addictive!
though losing again and again,
its just so fun to play.
by the 5th session, i was actually already on my own,
able to play with them, as in clearing quite alot of balls,
however when it reaches the last 1 or 2 balls, they beat me to it.
oh wells.. alot has happened over the months.
u know.. past 1 week, i've been sleeping like 4.30am, 5am every morning.
im living a life so lifeless now. deprived of sports, and fun.
wenwen darling just finished her exams, hope she has more time to spend with me now.
Isaac and gang seldom hang together too.
sigh.
really alot has happened,
been through alot of ups and downs.
i realise im quite introvert now, seldom open up to anyone.
through the big and small quarrells with darling,
i've been so numb and used to everything that i no longer confide in anyone.
i dont even notice myself,
until XM chatted with me few days back,
then i realise, its really so true, that i no longer tell anyone bout myself.
i wasnt like this, but because lately,
i believe that all problems in a relationship can be solved within 2 people,
doesnt need to implicate others or other's opinion.
maybe i think im matured enough to handle it..
well or even maybe i think that no one's matured enough to give me good quality advices.
am i stubborn or what?
i dont know.
i just feel that i've been through really alot in this L.O.V.E field,
and learnt alot over the years,
i may only have 1 ex girlfriend, but over the years, everything else
opens my mind fresh and made me realised and learnt alot alot of things,
that not just anyone's advices work on me now.
probably because i think that i really have seen alot happen,
feel and been through alot,
that none of their advices seem to work on me.
i do feel alone alot of times.
i need some understanding...
anyone does? they say they do..
but they dont make me feel that they do.
how many can actually understand..
im happy all the time,
am i?
i appear happy all the time,
cheerful.. everything.
who really understands..?
friends i lost, i try to catch up,
alot of them changed, because we dont catch up often,
we fade away.
i remain helpless in this situation
and sit down watching everything fade away from me.
weird,
why do i feel this sense of loneliness time to time.
i remember this feeling.
i felt it like 4-6months, or was it 8-10months ago?
i simply dont remember.
this feeling of loneliness out of the sudden.
so overwhelming that you feel like ..
crying but you dont know why at all.
i havent felt like that for quite a long time.
everyone says they understand.. man, who does?
things which are expected to change for the better,
remains unchanged.. am i expecting too much?
too much that i get disappointed again and again..
my heart breaks each time i think of it..
i grow tired and weak.. who understands..?
repeated disappointments,
helpless struggles,
holding onto plain hopes and expectations..
i cry really easily nowadays.
is that because my heart cant take anymore?
i've been putting up brave fronts again and again..
i dont cry, does that mean im not hurt?
does someone has to cry, to show that they're hurt, they're sad?
u know, if everyone didnt care bout the feelings of their loved ones,
and blog everything according to how they feel,
this world would be a mess.
i feel loneliness, once again.
may 18, 2007. 3.51AM
».lostindestars.« @ 12:24 PM
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
thank you all my readers for being so patient with me!
im finally done with all exams,
including my Main Study Recital,
and also my senior, Jessica's recital, of which i helped her to play keyboards. =]
alot has happened to me within these 2 months.
i dont remember those which took place like 2months ago,
probably i can share with u guys things which took place 2-3weeks ago?
haha, this post will be without pictures.
just to share with you guys what i've went through lately.
well.. my recital... lets move on to before that.
first, i shall introduce the songs.
we're required to do 3songs from 3 decades.
thus i decided upon 2 Ballads, and 1 Rock.
all 3 are Chinese Songs.
do ask me to send u if you're interested to listen.
and ALL THREE songs are Re-arranged by myself.
Teresa Teng - Wo Zhi Zai Hu Ni (70s)
Jacky Cheung - Ai Ru Chao Shui (90s)
Ke You Lun - Ling (recent)
all three songs were arranged by myself.
FIRST SONG: TERESA TENG - WO ZHI ZAI HU NI i decided to do it a Flute + Piano duet.
wanted a saxophone, but couldnt find any saxophone player to help me,
thus Iris helped me out as a flautist for the song,
the 1st song features my knowledge on chord progressions, chord substitutions, chord additions, and adding chords between chords.
the arrangement goes like this.
Flute plays de main melody, im doing FULL accompaniment.
Introduction
Verse 1
Chorus 1
Interlude 1
Verse 2
Chorus 2
Interlude 2
Chorus 3
End
Introduction was something improvised by myself.
Verse 1 and Chorus 1, using the main chords which is very very simple chords like,
C, Am, Em, F, G7, C, F/G, Dm,
totally simple chords, no substitution, no additions, no inversions nothing at all!
following by the Interlude, which is my solo,
which my main study teacher, Belinda, came up with smth for me.
up next is Verse 2 and Chorus 2.
for this segment, i substitute chords here and there,
like instead of using a G, i can use a Em7.
i also use additions, instead of F, i use FMaj7.
i also used inversions, lets say actual progression is C , G.
instead of that, i used C, G/B. make it sound a descending bass moving.
also adding inner chords,
like a progression F , Em7,
i added a inner chord in between,
so it'd be, F, Ebdim7, Em7
i think XM would be very interested to learn all these.
correct XM? hahah. but actually, before i came lasalle,
i already know all these stuffs and how to use them already.
even main study teacher Belinda,
said i play as well as her Level 1 and Level 2 students,
and also theoritically, pop knowledge on chord progressions,
i have quite a wonderful foundation of it..
its just my technical like scales and arpeggios,
which i never had the chance to do them,
which holds me back that i cant jump from Foundation to Level 1.
im very proud of all these i learnt myself really..
even in Electone, though we do pop songs all the time,
not everyone studies and memorises the pop progressions like i do.
really not trying to show off, but.. im really proud of it!!
from the once looked down musician, i turn out to become someone who gains people's respect once they've worked with me before.
my aural for pop music, why is it that i can easily play like most of the songs, that people let me listen to? its not because i've perfect pitch, but its because i study chord progressions and have them all in my head that i know really loads and loads of progressions by ear and by heart. man... im really so proud of myself.
for being able to learn all these all by myself.
thank you God, for letting me reap what i sow. =p
MY GOD WHY I TALK SO MUCH,
OKAY OKAY CONTINUE. =X
after finishing the 2nd verse and chorus,
leads to another interlude also created by myself,
which MODULATES to a higher key which is a Tone higher.
and goes through the chorus 1 last time with all same progression but different key this time round, and finally the ending. quite a good arrangement,
firstly cause de 1st chorus and verse and 2nd chorus and verse,
will showcase my chord knowledge.
and interlude showcases my techniques on playing
and 2nd interlude showcases my knowledge on modulation chords.
well... maybe not so good in de eyes of the examiners,
but something i spent so much effort in doing.. i think its quite... good?
as in for my level i suppose... well.. i SUPPOSE. =/
okie...
SECOND SONG: JACKY CHEUNG - AI RU CHAO SHUI
this is probably one of the BEST arrangements i've done so far.
i really must thank my finalised band members,
Axis Revolution, all of joseph's band members,
for making this song a success!
this song would be featuring my voice. =x
and of course my ability to play and sing at the same time.
i think the band were very impressed with my arrangement too.
they used to look down on me too, as in,
think i always show off or stuffs.. -_-"
when i sent them the song, they actually played accordingly,
but when i wrote them the chords, they realise its not so easy after all.
until i did the recording of roughly how it sounds like,
than they caught it and started practising from my recording.
my arrangement wasnt the same as the original.
it was like 50% different. i did my own 8bar progression for the guitar solo.
i came up with my own keyboard and piano 8bar solo which brought the song to a different direction at that solo part.
the whole arrangement, when we dry run it at our 2nd jamming session.
Shaun, the bassist was like "Woah! The arrangement ah, VERY NICE"
ho ho ho...
actually its crap to say like that..
i cant get a recording of it.. sigh!
THIRD SONG: KE YOU LUN - LING
this progressive rock piece,
actually has NO piano part at all!
but i re-arranged the whole piece,
that it sounds so drama-mama. hahah.
wonderful la.. just a pity, i din had time to add in keyboard string parts.
this song is actually super shiok to listen,
u listen already u feel like listening again,
arrangement is not bad, u listen already u feel damn high one.
but as compared to Ai Ru Chao Shui,
Ai Ru Chao Shui would have more things to show,
its arrangement would be much more dramatic and interesting
as compared to Ling.
Ling is just a prog. rock which hear already will feel damn high.
especially my arrangement.
OKAY FINISH EXPLAINING THE SONGS,
now lets move on to problems before my recital!!
4weeks before my recital,
i had myself very busy with Fusion Workshop too.
had a few sessions of jamming, but cos of irresponsible players who dont turn up for jammings again and again, we couldnt get everything in place.
a big thank you to Jarrell bro who helped us for Fusion,
and committing to practices! wonderful! thanks bro, even if u may not see this.
for my recital,
i've not even formally jammed once!!
still doing arrangements and writings.
3weeks before my recital,
we jammed fusion again, but had alot of problems.
Devi, my used to be bestie became super temperamental, and a lil hard to work with her, she's still my bestie, just that i sort of find it hard to work with her.
i shan't elaborate more.
for my recital,
my guitarist and bassist played me out.
guitarist was very irresponsible, no offence,
he's quite an okay friend, but... no discipline la.. sigh.
meet 2pm for jamming 1to1, he came at 3pm.
bassist, was very very busy, cant really blame him,
but i felt really pissed somehow too, cos he last minute said this,
"Is it possible to find another bassist for now?"
grrrr. he's a really nice fella, but. i went like super sians when i heard this.
my drummer, Joseph, he's a B-L-O-O-D-Y good drummer la...
i worked with him last semester,
he can tell me ALMOST ALl styles of drumming,
cha cha, tango, rhumbaa, r&b, bossa, jazz..
almost everything he does it so wonderfully!
he's really very versed in all, just that a lil problem with attitude.
very minor, but still abit. hahah. he's just so wonderful.
anyway, yar, he helped me out,
he got his band members, to help me out.
all from the same level as me,
just that i dont really click with them.
but i very very surprised, they were so steady,
joseph asked them to help me, they readily agreed. -___-"
was super worried they'd be hard to work with,
cos my impression of them is like, they're super stucked up. lol.
but well, we had our 1st jamming in school.
i think it was also because my choice of songs, which they decided to help me out.
after some understanding,
i realise they want to expose to more kinds of music.
2weeks before my recital,
wenwen and i had a major tiff, and we decided we needed a break,
i was the one who requested for it,
cause i needed it so badly, all my exam stuffs werent complete,
i jammed only once with my band.
for my recital,
i jammed a 2nd time with the band,
and added my solo on Ai Ru Chao Shui last minute.
as i thought the idea of that solo would be good!
1week before my recitallets move on to what happened 1 week before my recital.
5 days before my recital, i misplaced my ENTIRE music file,
of which contained all my music arrangements for Fusion Workshop,
my music scores of which i wrote so neatly and detailed-ly for my exam,
my theory assignments, my aural lesson's work.
EVERYTHING GONE!!
why?
i sleep very late almost every night 1week before the recital,
every night so tied down with work.
dat when im in the bus to school, i fell aslp in de bus,
and rushed down anxiously when i reached school,
and left de file on board... sigh.
oh wells,
i had to RE-WRITE EVERYTHING..
thank goodness i made it in time.
jammed twice this week before the exam.
RECITAL TIME!
my heart was fast beating before the recital,
infact, 1 day before the exam my heart was beating fast.
but when i went in, everything was alright already.
i really dread walking into the auditorium for such exams.
my last semester was technical-based,
i came out of de auditorium, holding back tears..
and finally brokedown when i saw darling wenwen.
well.. the recital was alright,
just that when they hit the last song, Ling.
we only went through half de song,
was so HIGH, about to go into the piano solo and guitar solo,
we got cut halfway by Ms Mona, our examiner,
as i exceeded time limit,
alot of de band members were quite offended by it.
its like, 15mins shld be taken as a guideline, not a rule..
they felt that its quite rude to cut a band playing like that.
well.. mona didnt care i guess.
but i think half de song, was already powerful enuf to convince the examiners,
my back was facing the examiners, didnt get to see their expressions,
but Isaac, my keyboardist said that, they were nodding their head.
and to see someone like Mona nod her head... its like... hahaha fweaking rare. -_-"
okieeee. wonderful!
a great experience! i love it!
Isaac even commented that my arrangement of Ai Ru Chao Shui was more happening than the Live Version of Jacky Cheung's Ai Ru Chao Shui. =D
i swear i'll make the next recital a even more happening one!
den den den hor,
2days later, i heard from kelvin,
that Mona told a few guys that my recital was one of de best in de level.
because a person asked her bout it,
and she mentioned 3 groups that did well.
"Rossi, Shane and Rizzal"
WAH. WONDERFUL LAAAA. IM SO HAPPY.
i hope i did really well for it.. =]
OKIE LA WHAT A LONG POST!
i shall blog again with pictures soon!
».lostindestars.« @ 7:43 AM
with make up.