Thursday, May 17, 2007
random post..
I FINALLY CUT MY HAIR!
AFTER 13MONTHS!!
i tried styling.. it doesnt stand at all!
so.. this hairstyle cannot spike at all, its meant to be flat.
after not styling for 10months, suddenly i feel that both my hands are useless.
hahah.
well this is how i look now.
with make up.
trying to look Jrock, haha,
but of course i dont put on make up when i go out now. =]
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its 3.24AM now, and since its past 12am,
its 18.may.07 now..
time passes so fast.
just 10hours ago, ard 5.30pm,
i had my number 7th session of pool with Isaac and Kelvin.
pool's so fun!
yea yeah.. go ahead and laugh,
a boy, nono, a young man at age of 19, finally learning to play pool.
hahahaa. but its so addictive!
though losing again and again,
its just so fun to play.
by the 5th session, i was actually already on my own,
able to play with them, as in clearing quite alot of balls,
however when it reaches the last 1 or 2 balls, they beat me to it.
oh wells.. alot has happened over the months.
u know.. past 1 week, i've been sleeping like 4.30am, 5am every morning.
im living a life so lifeless now. deprived of sports, and fun.
wenwen darling just finished her exams, hope she has more time to spend with me now.
Isaac and gang seldom hang together too.
sigh.
really alot has happened,
been through alot of ups and downs.
i realise im quite introvert now, seldom open up to anyone.
through the big and small quarrells with darling,
i've been so numb and used to everything that i no longer confide in anyone.
i dont even notice myself,
until XM chatted with me few days back,
then i realise, its really so true, that i no longer tell anyone bout myself.
i wasnt like this, but because lately,
i believe that all problems in a relationship can be solved within 2 people,
doesnt need to implicate others or other's opinion.
maybe i think im matured enough to handle it..
well or even maybe i think that no one's matured enough to give me good quality advices.
am i stubborn or what?
i dont know.
i just feel that i've been through really alot in this L.O.V.E field,
and learnt alot over the years,
i may only have 1 ex girlfriend, but over the years, everything else
opens my mind fresh and made me realised and learnt alot alot of things,
that not just anyone's advices work on me now.
probably because i think that i really have seen alot happen,
feel and been through alot,
that none of their advices seem to work on me.
i do feel alone alot of times.
i need some understanding...
anyone does? they say they do..
but they dont make me feel that they do.
how many can actually understand..
im happy all the time,
am i?
i appear happy all the time,
cheerful.. everything.
who really understands..?
friends i lost, i try to catch up,
alot of them changed, because we dont catch up often,
we fade away.
i remain helpless in this situation
and sit down watching everything fade away from me.
weird,
why do i feel this sense of loneliness time to time.
i remember this feeling.
i felt it like 4-6months, or was it 8-10months ago?
i simply dont remember.
this feeling of loneliness out of the sudden.
so overwhelming that you feel like ..
crying but you dont know why at all.
i havent felt like that for quite a long time.
everyone says they understand.. man, who does?
things which are expected to change for the better,
remains unchanged.. am i expecting too much?
too much that i get disappointed again and again..
my heart breaks each time i think of it..
i grow tired and weak.. who understands..?
repeated disappointments,
helpless struggles,
holding onto plain hopes and expectations..
i cry really easily nowadays.
is that because my heart cant take anymore?
i've been putting up brave fronts again and again..
i dont cry, does that mean im not hurt?
does someone has to cry, to show that they're hurt, they're sad?
u know, if everyone didnt care bout the feelings of their loved ones,
and blog everything according to how they feel,
this world would be a mess.
i feel loneliness, once again.
may 18, 2007. 3.51AM
».lostindestars.« @ 12:24 PM
with make up.